I barely can feel anything. The reality hasn’t slapped me with the fact that everything is going to be over by next week. All my high school life. Actually, the whole 12 year of being in the safe place surrounded with the people you love, being in the comfort zone, singing happily or even crying desperately in your own bedroom. It will over, soon. I might not sleep in this room in the next 4 months, anymore – in the entire life. I should start my own life, have a job for my own needs, have a family on my own. What if I fail ? What if I found no job ? What if I marry the wrong person ?
These thoughts kept running through my mind. It wasn’t before, but every time I sat down and be between the silence I can hear this voices echoing inside of me. The fear of falling in the wrong place, in the kind of life that is not Who I Am.. As I slowly watched the ending of the series I’d grown up with, the more I am aware of this chapter in my life that will be over too.. soon.. Kids in GLEE now finally have graduated and move to their college live (just like I do, as usual), then I just watched the last episode of How I Met Your Mother and I was wet by tears it was sooo good yet so sad because in that 40 minutes, I learned that somehow.. Things will never stay the same, friendship won’t last, love will fly away, the perfect life can also be broken in the end.. But I do learn that somehow, when you stick with the one you love things are going to be fine and you cannot deny the magic and unpredictable ways of life and ways of God surprises us.
I was even more scared than before now. Things are going to change dramastically. Even the prom was announced today.. It is the very end of everything, I was reminded by how long my love journey was.. Finding my perfect prince charming, having to enjoy the perfect 3 months with him, having such a faith that is sooo much stronger than I’ve ever had my whole life – so far – it was amazing. Then we had a chat with the group I grew up with, LUMEN CHOIR with kak Eva as our greatest mentor in the entire world. It was like a realization, this is the end, this is our last effort and love to share among the school. No more left. Now, it’s how you want to leave your legacy behind. You wanna leave in good or bad. That’s all the choice.
Yet anyway, the point is now I am extremely terrified. And overwhelmed. It has been such a long time since the last time I reflect the journey of life. What I discovered, it is scary. But anyway, I gotta embrace it and enjoy it… No time for sadness when all the happiness is available to be chosen.
Be prepared for and endless wave of transformation.